I used to think that my life was a legend that I was creating as I go. There was a time when I valued myself and my life more than anything. There was also a time when I had dreams and the possibilities in life seemed endless. However, I have not felt that way in a long time. Life feels lackluster and gray. I have never felt more powerless than I do now. It feels like life is ruling me versus me ruling life. I cannot seem to stick to a budget. I have so much debt, so I cannot switch fields even if i wanted to as I need the money. I find myself losing patience with my son more and more. I rarely have free time. My friendships are waning. I allow distractions to suck up my time because I don’t even value my time the same way that I used to.
There are so many things that I want in life, and they seem further away from me than they ever have before. I used to feel I was a beacon of power and influence, yet now I feel like the fool who hasn’t even started the journey. To the average person, I may look and seem like a walking success. But to me, I feel stagnated. I feel like a leaf blowing in the wind of life. Yes, I am a parent, a father, an Omega Man, and a CPA. But this is not altogether special or legendary as I once envisioned myself to be. I must become more than this. I yearn to be the Uber Man. I will not allow this anymore.
What is preventing me from moving beyond mundane goals, and becoming something extraordinary?
1) Distractions: social media/Internet/people pulling at me from different directions. Who hasn't spent hours on their phone flipping through short videos and images in a rabbit-hole of time-sapping nonsense. Algorithms are set up to have us glued to our phones. The dopamine highs are addicting. I admit that on many days I am not in control, and it infuriates me. Solution: Go on as many social media hiatuses as possible.
2) Not saying “No” enough: I overcommit or devalue my own time by constantly sacrificing without setting up clear boundaries. Solution: Make a schedule.
3) Poor spending habits: I spend too much money on food and things that I do not need. The biggest money drain is spending money on items that are not necessities. Solution: I need to keep a budget and stick to it.
4) Lack of consistency: I start something one day, and then do not do it again for days or weeks. I can never get any consistent momentum. Solution: Create a routine to cover all items and stick to it every day with no days off.
5) Lack of Discipline: It is not only discipline with sticking to a routine that I need, but I need the discipline and enough focus on self-worth to where I have the strength to say no, to stick to a budget, to stick to a routine, to not get distracted, to be consistent. Solution: Focus more on the root which is self-respect and self-worth and the knowledge of the supreme value of my limited time on this earth.
6) Lack of self-worth: In order to have discipline, I must value myself. Yes, there was a time where I felt my life was a legend that I was creating in real time. I was the Hero of my life. Then something changed, where I allowed myself to get beaten down to the point where I no longer valued my time, my goals, my aspirations, or anything of substance anymore. I just wanted the drama to end. I allowed life to burn out my flame. But this isn’t me. I still have time. My life is not over yet. My flame can still be re-ignited. I can still live authentically and unapologetically. If that means that I lose things or people along the way, then so be it. I must let go of the need to control things and people that are outside of my control. I can only do my best and do what is right. From there, whatever life presents itself is then the result of what is meant to be. The illusion of having too much to lose is a farce. The only thing that is too much to lose is my personal integrity. And if I consistently sacrifice that to make others happy, I will live a life where others walk over me and dictate my course. There are times where it is necessary to pick up the proverbial sword and slay the dragons. When it comes to personal ethics and integrity, I must guard it with the highest of intensities. Solution: I need to use personal integrity as a compass to guide me through life. I need to not be so focused on being a “people pleaser”. I need to have the strength to be okay with people not liking me and/or walking away from me.
7) I made my life into a small box: There is a world of experience and connections that can be made in the world. I need to schedule events, adventures, and societal connections that extend beyond my box. Solution: Set annual milestones and incorporate them. Here are things I could do:
a. Stop by Grand Lodge on a lunch break
b. Have a power lunch at the pyramid club once a month
c. Attend a fraternity event once every 2 months (6x/year)
d. Do community service once/quarter
e. Go to Zen Monastery 2x/year
f. Travel alone (1 big / 1 small) 2 times per year
g. Travel with family 1x / year
h. Travel with wife 1x / year
8) Uplift: When I am down, I can tend to get self-absorbed and lose sight of my potential to helps others. The problem with this is that life loses meaning and purpose when this happens. I have to remind myself that I cannot and should not wait until things are “perfect” within, to branch out to others. The reason for this is that I may never become perfect. Life is a spectrum of progress. While I may feel lower than I want to be on that spectrum, I may still be higher than others. And those others would benefit from my time, attention, and uplift. You see, we all have the ability to enact a greater influence on the world when we apply ourselves effectively. This can be done on a smaller, more personal scale such as helping others through coaching, mentoring, active parenting, etc., or it can be done on a larger scale via writing, blogs, vlogs, charity, conducting seminars, etc. Solution: Set up a consistent program of uplift within your goals.
9) Practice authenticity: One of the biggest de-motivators is when I feel like I am not being true to myself. It is one thing to play an archetype in life where I must wear the different hats to occupy the various stations, however it must a be an authentic version of me within those stations. I find myself getting ornery when I am jaded with being inauthentic. I end up not caring as much and not putting as much time and attention into anything. It ends up feeling I am watching my life in the 3rd person. In order to truly be able to accomplish that I want, I need to have passion for it. In order to have passion, I must practice authenticity even if there is some potential for backlash. I must not fear others getting to know the real me. I must not fear “losing” anything by being me. Solution: Be yourself, unapologetically.
I will get to where I want to be. I will take the small victories and compound them. We all get down sometimes. This pain of being down can be used for fuel to lift us up and others around us. I am a greater force than this material vessel of a human body. I must continue to remind myself that I am an emanation of God living in human form. I will keep striving and persevering, and I implore those who read this to do the same.
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